Relationship anxieties

I struggle with knowing how to be in a romantic relationship, to depend on someone else and share intimacy and effort in a balanced way; I’ve noticed I feel uncomfortable more than not. Working on this actively (which includes surrendering!) and seeing some progress. Note: a lot of the below bullets are really negative and not all are reflective of my current situation (March 2019).

• Never know if I’m letting people walk all over me and if it’s a bad look, vs just being my flexible/adaptable self
• Sometimes it's hard to believe caring people truly exist; or maybe I'm bad at attracting them
• Hard to believe our connection is real or I’m being tricked/taken advantage of
• Don’t know when its appropriate to involve him in my suffering
• This thing I say/express I need will be his "last straw"
• Not knowing how to support, I’m a failure/too insecure
• The relationship is ending; I see similar patterns as my last one, relationship ending will be a self-fulfilling prophecy...never ending rumination cycle
• I hate that I need people so much
• I hate myself for not being able to handle distance well
• So lonely when the person you want to talk to the most is believed to be the one hurting you. Or just feel detached/disconnected, don’t know what the solution is; more closeness? More distance? 
• Pendulum: excessive neediness vs. cut-off. Can’t discern whats genuine, normal love & desire vs. neediness on my end
• Overly focused on the “content” of the relationship and assigning meaning to the smallest things